fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
