I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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