whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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