I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I have already put on my inside pants.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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