jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We left the knife in your bed.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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