i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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