Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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