So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
