I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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