It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize