you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize