Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
