last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
