tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
