You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
