maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
