Can i not drive my cunt home
so that wasnt chicken after all
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
