I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
