I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
