my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
