Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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