It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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