and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
