If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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