No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
