So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Randomize
