so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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