Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Houston, we have a squirter
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
