i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
