Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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