Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
