I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
