My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
