Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
