yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
