Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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