she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
