my shit smells like andre
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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