It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
