bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
