i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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