Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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