her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize