CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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