She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
