so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
