Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
