my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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