i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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