Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
being pregnant is like rehab
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
