Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
