is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
