I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
