Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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