Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I cut my penus on the lid.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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