You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Banned from zoo.
Again?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
