Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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