you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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