Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
