Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
