Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
