shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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