Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
