3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
