just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
