I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
