And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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