I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
