i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
