i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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