rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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